Monday, January 9, 2012

Line By Line: Jen Lancaster, Bitter is the New Black

“Although I get a lot of specialty services like wraps, scrubs, and
mustache removal, my favorite is the simple manicure/pedicure. They work on your hands and feet at the same time while you sit in a vibrating chair. I call it the sorority girls version of a threesome.”

“In other words? The bitch had it coming. And I am that bitch.”

“I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.”

“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200.
Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185.
Cost to fix every single delicious table and chair leg in the house: $490.
Life with two shelter dogs: fucking priceless.”

“No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning...”

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